If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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