I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
