I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
