I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
