I'm eating all of the evidence.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
