just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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