My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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