party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
