I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
