Can i not drive my cunt home
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
