Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i've created a new STD.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
