I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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