I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i would punch a child for taco bell
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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