either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
