I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
