I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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