i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
