Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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