id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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