big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
