Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
