I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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