dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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