Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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