he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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