Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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