don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
