It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
