i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
