theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
