please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
