my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
