Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
