There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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