I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
