I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
