you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
