question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
