He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
