Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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