omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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