sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
