Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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