clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
