his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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