It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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