I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I will pee on everything he values.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
