Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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