there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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