she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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