i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
