He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
