Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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