wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
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