I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
